Until I Knew You
by Aqua
Summary: Until the End of Time SEQUAL. Life was going well for Sanzo after meeting his soulmate. But his newly found love, Goku, is hiding something deep inside of himself. Something that could destroy both of them. WARNING: Sanzo is OOC
1. Prologue

Title: Until I Knew You Sequel to: Until the End of Time (see author's note)  
Author: Aqua Genre: Yaoi, romance, angst Pairing: Sanzo/Goku, Gojyo/Hakkai Rating: PG-13 Status: Incomplete (until you see The End at the bottom of a chapter)  
Disclaimer: Story, mine, characters and such, not.

Author's Note: I wasn't actually going to write a sequel for 'Until the End of Time'. But then this story line occurred to me, and despite the length of it, I'm enjoying writing it! I hope everyone else enjoys reading it. The characters will be somewhat (obviously) OOC from the original story line, all things considered, but I will try to keep them as close to the original.

THIS STORY CAN STAND ALONE. I recommend reading "Until the End of Time" first, to understand the storyline a bit better, but it's not actually necessary.

As a side note, Goku does NOT have his diadem, but appears human. This will be explained.

Until I Knew You Prologue

"Large, black coffee," Sanzo said stiffly, his eyes still on the menu board.

"Is that everything?" a strangely familiar voice questioned.

Sanzo glanced down and met a set of golden-brown eyes that also struck him as familiar, although he'd never met the person before. For a brief second, a sensation of strange vertigo spun through him, as though the eyes were pulling him in. His breath caught in his throat, and he felt a slight shiver work down his spine.

"You're new here?" he questioned, hoping none of these strange emotions showed on his face.

"Yeah," the youth replied, smiling and handing him is coffee. "Today is my first day."

"For future reference, I always get the same. Nothing else," Sanzo told him, letting his eyes trace over the youth's body a little. He couldn't seem to stop himself. The sudden onslaught of emotions he felt were like he knew this person, like he was MEANT to know this person.

His wandering eyes didn't go unnoticed and the kid, 'Goku' his nametag read, blushed a little. "Right, I'll remember that," he replied, stammering.

Sanzo raised his eyebrow and smiled a little as he paid, almost having to tear his eyes away from the other before he made his way toward his usual table.

As he sat down, Sanzo couldn't help but steal another glance over his shoulder. He made a mental note to come here more often.

Goku watched the handsome blond man sit down, his heart still beating wildly despite the distance between them. Something about the man reminded him of someone, although he couldn't imagine who. When those violet eyes had met his own, it had been difficult to breathe. He'd never felt like this before, in all of his seventeen years of life, and despite how light-headed it made him feel, he wanted more.

He hoped the man would keep coming back. Goku couldn't help it, his interest was piqued. He wanted to know more about whoever this blond stranger was. 


	2. Chapter 01

Until I Knew You Chapter 1

One Week Earlier

Help me....

Please....

Help....

Sanzo....

Violet eyes opened slowly, and the blond frowned at the darkness which met them. It was quite early, still several more hours before his alarm was meant to go off. With a sigh, the young man turned onto his back and looked up at his ceiling. Not that he actually noticed, his mind caught somewhere else.

The voice in his mind, it was so familiar. The identity was at the front of his mind, yet dancing away just before he could grasp it. A voice which called him, more frequently over the last few weeks, slowly driving him crazy. It could of just been some strange, reoccurring dream. But something about that didn't seem right, and it was like slow torture, not understanding. Who was calling him? And why?

He was losing too much sleep over it. Many times, like tonight, he would get caught up in his thoughts and it would be impossible to fall back asleep. Which was frustrating in itself, considering his finals were coming up soon. He'd been attending Tokyo University for three years now, and almost had a degree in civil law. Once he was finished, in two months, he could achieve his dream career as a defense attorney.

If his grades didn't stop slipping. He was become more tired and distracted with each day that went by, finding it difficult to concentrate on his school work. Just two weeks ago, he had been the top of the class. Now he held third place. Still good, but not good enough to work for any of the highest ranked law firms. And Sanzo was not one to do anything half-assed. He'd set this goal for himself many years ago, and didn't want to fail now that he was so close to achieving it.

He had worked hard his entire life. Although his parents were very supportive, Sanzo craved independence. As long as he could remember, he'd always stood on his own two feet, and dealt with every problem that came along by himself. He had worked all through junior and high school, just so he would be able to support himself through University. His parents had offered to help out with fees and rent, of course, but Sanzo had spent the money they'd given him on a vacation to Hawaii, which he'd presented to them at his mother's next birthday.

He had enough of his own to cover his costs, had made sure of it. He'd also made certain that his grades were the highest he could keep them. It didn't allow much of a social life, but he didn't mind. He was just the type that preferred to be alone most of the time. He liked the quiet, to be free to do what he wanted.

And what he wanted to was be the best at whatever he did.

But this dream... if it even was a dream. There was no picture that came with it, just that yearning tone, calling for him again and again.... 


	3. Chapter 02

Until I Knew You Chapter 2

Sanzo leaned his cheek against his hand, his mind drifting away from the voice of his professor. Idly, he doodled in the margin of the page in front of him, his mind caught in what had happened that morning when he'd stopped into the nearby cafe to pick up his usual morning coffee. He hadn't been in for a while, not having the time with how much he'd been lagging behind in his school work. Now, he couldn't believe that something as simple as a cup of coffee had changed his life so much.

He'd met what had to be one of the most attractive people he'd ever seen, someone whom, in those few seconds, had effected him more than anyone else ever had. A young man, with shimmering golden eyes and wild hair. He could still remember that moment clear in his mind, although it was hours later. That face, torn between manhood and childhood, innocent and yet mature, hovered before his eyes. There had been an answering light in the other's eyes, a returned attraction, but those cheeks had flushed as though the kid had never experienced it before.

It was the voice that had done him in, though.

He'd recognized it instantly as the one that had been calling him, and that alone had shocked him beyond words. He still didn't understand any more than he had before, but he was certain in his realization. Whomever this person was, he was the one that Sanzo had been meant to find. He was the one who possessed the voice which had been calling for him for as long as he could remember.

It was like something out of a storybook, as strange as it seemed. But it was something that was really happening to him. Even without the aid of the dreams, he doubted he would of been left untouched by his chance meeting that morning. The feelings had just been too strong, to instant.

It was something deep inside of him that had reacted, a sudden ache for the other that throbbed from his feat to his head, deep into the core of his bones. He had ignored his inner impulses for so long, focusing on his grades and career so whole-heartedly that he hadn't allowed anyone to get close. But it was so strong, a thump of his heart that had seemed so loud he was surprised noone else had heard it, it made his breath catch. And he couldn't of even think of trying to ignore it.

He wondered if he'd hidden it well at all. The way his mind, spirit, and soul had suddenly been swept up, shaken, then settled back down on unstable legs. Everything that he had known within himself had been turned around, called to the surface or proven false, and left him wondering what to do.

There was no denying he wanted to see Goku again. He longed to see the other, to talk with him and learn more about him, to see that smile and those bright eyes even if it was just once more. Had he just been seeing things when he'd thought Goku might return his interest? Had it been a figment of his imagination, when the thought had passed through his mind that they were meant to be together?

Sanzo took a deep breath and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the back of his chair. What was going on with him? A two minute conversation did not equal marriage, children, and a happily ever after. He'd never been impulsive in his entire life, he had his whole future planned out before him. Was he really willing to do something so irrational over a pair of golden eyes and a phantom voice?

Yet, even as he thought it, Sanzo also knew he was powerless to stop himself. A part of himself he'd ignored for a long time, the instinctive and emotional part, had somehow claimed control of him in those few moments of weakness. He would have to follow this new path placed before him.

And, honestly, he wanted to anyway. 


	4. Chapter 03

Until I Knew You Chapter 3

Goku pulled his arms above his head and stretched, groaning as he felt his back crack. It felt good, after nine hours on his feet, and he couldn't wait to get home and run himself a hot bath. It had become a tradition, to have a nearly scalding bath after long shifts like these. Being so close to the University campus, the store was always busy and he rarely had a chance to sit down. Except for his lunch break, of course, but that always seemed far too short.

Stepping into the staff washroom, Goku pulled off his uniform, making a face at the yellow bow-tie he was forced to wear, before pulling on his more comfortable jeans and T-shirt. After stuffing it into his locker, he was on his way home.

The spring was nice this year, with little rain. Despite his sore feet, Goku often walked home when the weather was as nice as this. He always loved to be outside rather than indoors, even in the city. He'd always liked fresh air, sunlight, and people. When he was younger, he'd hardly spent any time inside. He'd played for hours after school and on weekends, with the trove of friends he'd made during elementary.

The thought brought a frown to Goku's mouth, and he sighed softly. He should get home quickly, settle himself inside and watch TV or something. His history was plagued by bad things, things he couldn't really remember happening, but the outcome was seared in his mind. It was just too dangerous to linger outside, around other people.

But....

Goku's long strides shortened slightly as his mind drifted toward this morning. He'd started his shift just a few hours earlier, at six in the morning, and had been prepared for a day just like every other he'd had since starting this job the week previous. He'd helped prepare the pastries and had checked that the coffee bean containers were full when he'd looked up from his work and had come face to face with the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen in his lifetime.

He'd nearly dropped the coffee pot in his hand, as shocked as he'd been at his own thought. But there had been no helping it as his gaze met those striking violet eyes, eyes that seemed to haunt him even now with their familiarity. He'd never met the other before, but in that moment he knew that it wouldn't matter. The strings of fate had brought them together for a reason.

It must be some kind of test 'fate' was throwing at him. Could he keep the promise he had made to himself, to stay away from other people as much as life would let him? Because, in that moment, he was dangerously close to breaking it. A very large part of him wanted to throw caution to the wind, and take up on his heart's desire to get to know the blond better.

And, in that moment, he found himself wondering if would it be okay. What were the chances of what happened back then to happen again? He'd kept careful control over his emotions, and there had been no incidence since. Perhaps, now, he had enough control of himself that he could take that risk.

It was impossible though, he told himself again. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it for more than a few minutes all day, wondering what he could or should do. He'd never felt something so strongly so quickly, and oh how he wanted to be able act on those feelings. But it was impossible for him, his rational mind repeatedly reminded him.

It was impossible. He'd just have to gather his emotions, and keep a sane mind. Genjo Sanzo; he'd learned the name from a crushing co-worker; was off limits. 


	5. Chapter 04

Until I Knew You Chapter 4

How in the world could anyone be nervous about entering a coffee shop?

Sanzo didn't know, but he was. It wasn't that big of a deal; just open the door and walk in. Despite Goku's presence, he'd done just fine for the last few days when he'd come for his usual morning coffee. Still, it seemed like momentous task for him at the moment, despite the people staring at him as they passed by and walked in themselves.

He could see the brunette behind the counter, a wide smile on his full lips as he passed out food and drinks. Sanzo's heart was beating quickly, and he could feel the sweat on his palms. His plan had seemed so simple last night. However, now that the task was actually before him, it seemed almost impossible.

'Hey, want to catch a movie sometime?'

Why was it so easy to think, and so hard to actually say?

Sanzo jerked his head in a sharp shake, and forced himself to move. All of his life, when he had wanted something, he'd gone for it. He was not about to become some sniveling coward now! It was a simple question, with a simple answer, and he wouldn't back down from any challenge.

Still, he faltered slightly as he came up to the counter. Sanzo swallowed, his throat dry, as he gazed into the slightly hooded eyes of the other. It was at that moment that Sanzo realized that, yes, he still was a kid. He'd always thought of himself as grown up and mature, but there was no denying the pre-asking jitters he'd heard his classmates talk about so often. He'd always found it amusing when classmates got a friend to ask a friend if a certain person liked them. Now, he longed to have the same option. It seemed so much more bearable than actually doing this himself.

"Large, black, right?" the youth questioned, abruptly breaking what had to of been a stretching silence between them.

"Right," Sanzo answered absently, reaching for his wallet. He sternly reminded himself that only creeps stared as he was right now, and forced himself to look away from the other boy, his eyes roaming to find anything else to focus on.

And uncomfortable silence settled as Goku poured the drink and Sanzo fished for the correct change. Really, why hadn't he dated more often? Or at all, for that matter? This would be so much easier if he had at least a little experience under his belt.

"Do you want to go out with me?"

He couldn't believe it when he felt his cheeks heat after blurting the question. He couldn't remember having ever blushed in his life! Well, it wasn't nearly as elegant as he'd wanted it to sound, but at least he'd gotten it out.

Goku's eyes snapped up to his own, clearly surprised. Sanzo nervously coughed into his hand, hoping to hide his embarrassing blush. "Well, I mean, maybe we could go for coffee sometime. Ah, no, you wouldn't want to do that. Maybe a movie or dinner or something like that?"

Why couldn't he stop babbling?

His stomach started to churn when Goku didn't reply immediately, even more so when those golden eyes dropping down to the counter top and Goku worried his lip between his teeth. Once again, silence stretched, and Sanzo could hear people complaining behind him because of the wait. He couldn't seem to breathe properly when he realized the mistake he'd made. Goku wasn't interested, and now he'd stuck them both in a humiliating situation.

He had nearly grabbed his coffee and turned to go when Goku grabbed his wrist to stop him. "Okay," the youth replied, his breath coming quickly. "I get off work around three, usually. I can go anytime after that."

Sanzo couldn't stop a smile from spreading across his lips. All at once, he felt the tension and upset vanish, a weight lifted off his shoulders. It had been worth it after all!

"Then, I'll see you this afternoon."

He hadn't smiled like this in a long time, Sanzo realized as he made his way out of the cafe and toward the school. It surprised him, how pleased he was with himself. One would think he would feel this way more often, with all that he had accomplished in his life so far. But it had been a long time since he'd felt so satisfied with what he'd done. He'd taken a leap that he'd had no idea could be so difficult, and he just knew his life would never be the same. 


	6. Chapter 05

Until I Knew You Chapter 5

As he had every five minutes of the last two hours, Goku looked up at the clock yet again. Unlike all of those other times however, it was actually three this time, and he wasn't sure if he liked that fact or not. The exhaustion he usually felt was absent, replaced by anxiety that had his stomach twisted in knots.

How could he of agreed to this? Almost every other thought he'd had during the past week had been about Sanzo, and he'd told himself again and again that it was just a bad idea, and not something he could do. No matter what. Still, he hadn't been expecting to be asked out so soon, if at all, despite the easily tangible attraction between them. His mind had battled with his heart, rationality and irrationality warring within him. In the end, when he had seen the disappointment in the other's expression, it had suddenly been impossible for him to refuse.

And he didn't want to refuse! No matter what the smarter part of his brain told him, he couldn't stop himself from wanting to be with Sanzo. He'd been pulled into a tornado of emotion, struck so suddenly by feelings he'd never had before that it almost seemed impossible.

But it wasn't. They were there, and this was happening, and he wanted it with every part of his soul. Maybe they would get to know each other and end up with nothing in common. Maybe this Sanzo was some kind of freak, despite the raw honesty in his eyes. Maybe this was all a disaster waiting to happen. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Even so, Goku couldn't deny the excitement that came with his nervousness. Somehow, he just knew that he'd been meant to meet the other. And no amount of second-guessing himself was going to change that.

A long moment of fussing with his hair, trying in vein to straighten the locks that refused to be tamed, had him late getting back out to the front. Sanzo was waiting by the exit, and Goku felt his cheeks flame up again.

He'd never been the shy type while growing up, but this was a situation he'd never handled before. The blond looked good, although that was not surprising. He'd changed his shirt to a light colored one that set off his eyes. Every hair was in place, shimmering in the spring sun. The pack of books that had been under one arm the other times Goku had seen him were gone now, as Sanzo absently sucked on a cigarette. He looked... incredibly sexy, and it struck Goku that YES, he really was about to go on a date.

"Ah, I didn't know you smoked," he greeted, uncertain what else to say besides a lame 'hi'.

Sanzo pulled away from the wall, snubbing the smoke before slipping his hands into his pockets. For someone who looked so well-together, the other man now looked as nervous as Goku felt as he absently kicked some loose rocks from the parking lot.

"Does that bother you?"

Goku shrugged. "Not really. So, where do you want to go?"

The blonde's lips quirked in a half-grin that made a shiver go up Goku's spine. "I was thinking about that most of the day. I realized all I know about you is your first name, and that you work in a cafe. How about we grab something to eat, so I might be able to learn at least your last name."

Goku grinned and nodded, walking next to the other as they made their way down the street. The nervousness had ebbated somewhat, although he was uncertain what to do. He'd never gone out with someone before. Were they supposed to hold hands? Did Sanzo even want to hold his hand? People would probably look at them funny, and he didn't know how the other felt about that. Sanzo had asked him out first but - okay, really, it was too early to worry about things like that. They were only five minutes into the date!

"So, what are you studying?" he questioned.

"My major is civil law. I want to be a lawyer. But I'm also taking history and a few other classes too. What about you, do you work full time?"

"Ah, yes, I do. I have rent to pay and such, so I kind of skipped out on school and went straight to work. I might take a few courses later, once I've saved up some money."

"What about your parents?"

Goku frowned slightly. "My parents passed away. I've been on my own for a couple of years now," he replied slowly. The subject of his parents had always troubled him. They'd just disappeared one day, and the police hadn't been able to find any clues as to what had happened to them. They'd had such a close relationship, it didn't make sense that they would just leave. But it had been so long, Goku came to accept that they had either ditched him, or had passed away. He preferred to think it was the latter.

"Ah, sorry. It must be difficult."

"Not really, not as some would expect. I kind of had to grow up quickly, but I am almost twenty now. A lot of people are supporting themselves by my age. It's an ordinary life, working for a living."

"That's true. I have my own place too. My parents are fine, but I wanted the independence and to live closer to the school."

"Do you work?"

"Not during University. I wanted to be able to focus on just my studies, so I worked before to save up the money."

No wonder Sanzo had such a mature air around him. Goku wondered if the other thought less of him. He'd actually quit school after elementary, at his parents request. They had taken over educating him, until they'd vanished, but he was still lacking in any real education. He'd always felt that it was obvious when looking at him, with his clean but cheap clothing, his slightly immature speech, the rough edge to his appearance that he'd never been able to get rid of.

Tentatively, Goku looked up at the other, but saw only the casual curiosity in Sanzo's expression that he'd held for most of the conversation. They'd arrived at a restaurant, and the blond was actually holding the door open for him. If the thought had occurred to Sanzo, it wasn't apparent in his manner, and Goku felt grateful.

They were seated, and their orders were taken soon after. Goku usually ate ravenously, but he was careful to make sure he ordered no more than the other. He didn't want to look like a glutton.

Goku fidgeted with his cutlery for a moment, the conversation having lagged after the waitress left. "So, um, do your parents live in Tokyo too?" he finally asked.

Sanzo lit another smoke before replying. "Yes, but on the outer edge of the city. They don't like the heavy traffic and such. My dad works for an airline, and my mom at a hospital nursery."

"They sound nice."

"Yes, I'm lucky to have them. I think my mother had trouble when I first moved out of the house, but they are very supportive."

"So, what do you usually do when you're not at school?"

Sanzo's expression became embarrassed and he gave a slight shrug. "Study, mostly. Sometimes I go for walks or catch a movie. Mostly, I'm busy with school."

Ah, that explained the momentary lags in Sanzo's otherwise calm demeanor. He went out about as much as Goku did, which wasn't a whole lot. It made the brunette feel better, to know they were both starting with about the same experience. He didn't have to worry quite as much about trying to do everything perfectly, although he certainly was going to continue to try!

"So, what made you decide to become a lawyer?" he asked.

Sanzo frowned slightly. "My cousin was once accused of theft and attempted murder. Someone attacked a female driver, then stole her car and money. She was in the hospital for quite a time, but when she was better, she identified my cousin as the attacker. My cousin was totally innocent, he wasn't even in Tokyo at the time, but his defense attorney dropped the ball in a big way. My cousin ended up with eight years in jail. My parents told me about it when I was younger, and it made me angry that such a thing would happen. That was when I decided I would become a defense attorney, to make sure something like that didn't happen again."

"Wow, and you actually stayed with it all of this time," Goku exclaimed, honestly awed by the fact. His own attention span was so short. What would it be liked to make a decision, and actually stick with it for years? Honestly, he didn't know many other people who could either.

Sanzo tried to hide a pleased smile behind his hand, but Goku spotted it before he could. He couldn't help one of his own, glad he'd done something to please the other. Things were going well, and he felt himself relax completely now.

He felt that he'd made the right decision. All of the reservations he'd had seemed to disappear as their conversation went on. It was worth the risk, to know this person. Perhaps it was foolish of him to think so, but during this moment, for the first time in a long time, Goku felt as though everything were perfection. 


	7. Chapter 06

Until I Knew You Chapter 6

Sanzo's eyes slipped open when the peel of his alarm clock finally became to annoying to stand any longer. He'd been sleeping deeply, caught in a pleasant dream that was already starting to sleep away from him. He'd known the truth the moment he'd heard Goku's voice, but it still surprised him when another night went by without the plea's. His sleep certainly hadn't been without dreams, but since actually meeting the youth, the calling had ceased.

Had their spirits been calling to each other? Could it be something as strange as that? As a man who had lived his life absorbing facts, something so celestial seemed impossible. But he couldn't deny the utter contentment he found himself in. His studies just seemed to flow into his mind and stay there, his essays and compositions slipping from his hand without second thought. Things were exactly as they had been before, except for one big exception.

They had gone out three times now, all within one week. Twice to dinner, once to a movie. He'd never thought he could enjoy someone's company so much. Goku was fun, so energetic and bright. He had a quippy mouth, which spilled out whatever happened to be on his mind. Although the brunette embarrassed himself on occasion, Sanzo found it endearing. Goku couldn't lie if he had to, and despite the fact he hadn't had what most people would consider a normal education, he brought up many interesting, or at least amusing, topics. He did skirt around his childhood, but Sanzo knew better than to keep asking questions to someone who was probably still feeling the pain of his parents passing.

They always set up their next meeting before parting, working with their different schedules, and Sanzo found himself looking forward to them like a kid days before his birthday.

How could a simple smile affect him so much? Sanzo had never imagined himself longing for the sound of someone's laughter, had never thought he could miss someone just after a few hours of not being together.

He'd never thought he would want to kiss someone so badly.

Sanzo had never been someone who wanted physical contact. He hugged his mother, of course, but it would hurt her feelings if he didn't. He had people he joked around with in school, but was not close to any of them. Certainly not enough to want to hug them. He'd had a crush when he was in junior high, one he'd never acted upon, but he'd never thought about kissing.

He wasn't a mutant, he did have the thoughts that one would expect in any red-blooded man. He'd just never had the desire to act upon them before.

Now, he wondered what Goku's reaction would be if he placed his arm around Goku's shoulders while they walked. Or slipped his hand into other's warm grasp. What would Goku's hair feel like if he gave into the desire to run his fingers through the untamed locks? What would Goku's lips feel like, if he worked up to nerve to actually press his own against them? What would Goku's skin feel like, if he -

Sanzo pushed the thought aside quickly and forced himself to out of bed. He was going to be late if he just laid there, wondering. Besides, it would only be their fourth date tonight. He had to tell his hormones to take a back seat for now. Things would come in time, as they were meant to, and he didn't want to try to do something that Goku might not be comfortable with. As open as the youth was about most things, he still seemed a bit awkward around Sanzo at moments, as though he wasn't sure what to say or do. He would wait until Goku was more sure of himself and, truthfully, he was too.

It didn't take long for him to shower and dress, and not long after Sanzo was on the familiar street that would take him to the cafe. He stopped in every morning now, taking in every moment with the other that he could. If his mother knew about this, she'd be shocked in the chance in him. It as though a load had been taking off his shoulders, and Sanzo found himself looking forward to each day more than he had before, smiling and even laughing more often than he could remember. His life, in such a short time, seemed to of reached a perfect balance. If he wasn't living it, he would hardly believe it.

The moment that smile fell upon him, Sanzo felt something lift within him. It was the same remarkable feeling every time.

"So, are you ready for tonight?" he asked, a teasing smile on his lips.

"I'm looking forward to it. I don't think I've actually been to the zoo before. I've seen the animals on TV, but it's not the same. This will be fun."

"Well, I'll have to meet you there, because I'm getting my final assignment today and I'll need to head to the library after classes."

"No problem, I can catch the bus."

"All right, see you then."

They shared a parting smile, and Sanzo headed on his way. Really, he should remember to get Goku's phone number one of these times. Those few moments they were allowed while Goku poured his coffee were just not long enough.

"Each of you have been given your own case, although you are free to work together if you wish. Each of them have occurred in Japan, at one time or another, and all of them are unsolved to this day. I want you to go through them very carefully, gather all the information you can from in those files and wherever else, and create a composition on your findings. I want a detailed rundown of the case, your thoughts and opinions, as well whom you think is the most likely guilty party. Once you've established that, I want you to build up a defense case for that person whether you believe them innocent or not, one that you would bring into the courtroom with you if you were to actually be that person's attorney. Remember, this makes up thirty percent of your overall mark."

Sanzo frowned thoughtfully as he opened the unmarked folder. It was a cold case, over a year old now, and there was quite a bit of paperwork for it. A murder, he was surprised to see. He'd been given one that would of been quite a high profile at it's time, as all murders were. It'd also happened in Tokyo, which would definitely be to his advantage. There was more likely to be information in the library, with old newspapers and such, than should it of taken place someplace else.

Sanzo set about skimming through the information. There had only been one witness who could remember what happened, a waitress that had been outside taking a smoke break. She'd seen two young men arguing in front of the movie theater across the street. Not just yelling, but pushing each other. The conversation, she couldn't remember, but she did remember the bigger boy pulling the shorter one into an alley not long after.

There had been about two-three minutes of silence, then two screams. Different sounding, one like an animal, the other one of pain. Then the smaller boy emerged from the alleyway and ran off before the waitress could get back into the store and call the police.

The victim was Yamakura Mazaki, age 18. He was in his final year of high school, and had a pretty good average all around. He was involved with three different clubs at his school, and had a trove of friends. All of whom said that the thought of Yamakura being in a fight shocked them, he was always cheerful and easy-going around them.

Yamakura had been dating a male, around the same age as himself, for only a couple weeks before this had happened. However, he rarely talked about his personal life, and so none of his acquaintances could remember the name of his boyfriend. None of them had met him either, although one girl remembered seeing him with a brunette at a fast food restaurant once. She hadn't approached them. She had given the police a similar description as the waitress.

The waitresses description was of a short, Japanese male, with messy brown hair. He'd been wearing black jeans and a yellow shirt, but she was too far away to make out any more details. The cashier at the movie theater remembered only the additional fact that the boy was about 5'5" tall, and had brown-hazel eyes.

Whomever the boyfriend had been, he didn't go to Yamakura's school. Months of questioning lead nowhere, the police had been unable to find out which school the boy attended, if any. They were also unable to find out a name or anything else. Finger prints and DNA collected were useless without something to compare them with. The case had died not soon after, written off as unsolvable without more information.

Sanzo found one part of the case especially disturbing. Yamakura's body had been found with his chest gouged and his face nearly gone. The coroner's report said that, if he hadn't known about the circumstances, he would of thought that Yamakura had been attacked by some kind of animal. The wounds couldn't of been done with human hands, although what could of done them were only guesses. And it seemed unlikely that any person, especially a teenager, could of had the strength to wield such injuries.

No wonder the case had gone cold, Sanzo thought. It was highly unlikely that he could solve this. However, it did appear rather obvious that the boyfriend had been the killer. Creating a defense for someone who could do such a thing would not be easy.

Well, he wasn't surprised. This was his final big assignment, after all. Picking up his pen, Sanzo set about searching for points that would work as a defense. He had two months to prove whether or not this mysterious young man had actually killed his lover. 


	8. Chapter 07

Until I Knew You Chapter 7

Goku fidgeted as he watched people walk past, heading toward the gate which served as an entrance into the zoo. He'd shown up too early, having been paranoid about being late, and still had several minutes until Sanzo would show up. The blond tended to be very punctual, showing up not more than a few minutes before the appointed time. Goku had been late for their second date, and had been so embarrassed that he now made sure he'd get there on time even with the sometimes unreliable public transport.

Although it was rather late in the evening, the zoo would still be open for a few more hours and so was still quite busy. He hadn't realized that it would be such a popular spot for couples, and watched with more than a little envy as they walked past, holding hands and even kissing each other.

Yesterday, Goku had actually gone to the public library and looked at a few books about relationships and dating. He hadn't checked any out and certainly wasn't about to tell anyone, but he had found some good information. Apparently, after the first couple of dates, couples started doing more physical things like kissing and such.

Of course, the books were mostly through the 'parent' view of dating. Taking your time, being safe, healthy decisions to make. They recommended going for dinners and activities that allowed the couple to talk, and recommended a LOT of talking.

Unsurprisingly, all of the information was veered toward male/female couples. Even so, Goku doubted it was much different. Farther down the road, the two of them would have much different issues to deal with, but for now, it was just like any other kind of date.

Goku glanced up at the clock at the entrance. It was just passed five minutes to six, and he sighed. Okay, next time, he'd be early. But not by twenty minutes, because it was just far too boring to stand here by himself.

Looking around at the crowd, Goku paused when he met a pair of eyes watching him. He frowned slightly, as he didn't recognize the person as someone he'd met before. The man looked to be quiet old, easily in his sixties, but his green eyes were well-focused on him. Eyes that seemed to know him.

Goku broke the gaze, confused, looking instead at the young girl holding the green-eyed stranger's hand. She was probably around eight, and was chattering happily to "Grandpa", apparently excited about the trip to the zoo.

When he looked back up, the elderly man had focused again on the line, and Goku dismissed it. Probably the man had thought they'd known each other, then realized he was mistaken.

It was then he spotted a familiar face, and Goku smiled widely as Sanzo approached from the bus stop across the street. As always, his heart fluttered a little and he felt a building excitement within him. All of those doubts he'd had just a week ago seemed so far away now, replaced by a happiness that made them seem insignificant. He was quickly falling in love with the blond, knew that and didn't care in the least. He doubted he could of met a more perfect person for him.

The wait in line wasn't very long, and soon the two of them were strolling around the grounds. As the zoo was outdoors, they'd actually had a lot of room to build with and it was quite large. There were different branches, with bigger animals to the right, aquarium animals in a building to the left, a picnic area in the middle. There was even a small dinosaur park to the east of the entrance, behind the building which held the smaller petting zoo.

"Did you eat anything before you came?" Sanzo asked as they paused in front of the gorilla pen.

The question caught Goku in the middle of a thought, and he had to ask Sanzo to repeat it. Since the blond had arrived, there had been a nagging thought in the back of his mind that he should take the other's hand. It was easier said than done, since it would make the fact that they were on a date obvious. Would Sanzo be okay with that? Or would he pull away?

"No, I didn't have time because of the bus schedule," he replied absently, his eyes stealing down to Sanzo's hand yet again.

Well, there was only one way to find out.

"When we circle back to the picnic area, how about we grab something we can talk around with us?"

Goku nodded absently, and slowly slipped his fingers into the natural circle of Sanzo's own. "Um, if you want to," he replied.

Everything seemed to stop for a few seconds that stretched until they felt like hours. Then Sanzo's fingers tightened around his own, and everything went back to normal. Why did everything feel like it was going to be this big epical moment, then end up going so smoothly? Not that he wasn't appreciating the situation, but things always seemed so much easier AFTER he'd done them.

"You got your final assignment today, right? Is it going to be difficult?" Goku asked as they made their way toward the lion pen. He couldn't help but be a little distracted by the feel of the other's warm palm against his own. The other man had slightly lanky hands, but the skin was as smooth as Goku had thought it would be. He could even feel the little calluses from typing on Sanzo's fingertips.

"Yes, but that's not surprising for how important it is. I'm sure everyone's work is going to be difficult. I have a little advantage, though, mine actually took place in Tokyo."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, about a year ago. A student named Yamakura was killed."

Goku felt his stomach drop, and he couldn't seem to breathe properly. The name seemed to echo in his mind. He could remember it clearly, that night with Mazaki that had changed everything he'd thought about himself and the world around him. He'd thought they were friends, good friends despite only knowing each other a short time, but Mazaki had thought they were more. And he hadn't wanted to take no for an answer when Goku had told him he just wasn't interested.

He didn't remember what had happened after Mazaki had dragged him into that alley to 'talk in private'. He'd woken up at home the next day, but he'd heard quickly on the news. Mazaki, dead, looking like he'd been mauled by a wild animal. And, despite the fact he didn't have any memory of it, Goku knew he was somehow responsible. That was when he'd sworn to himself that he would never allow himself to get so close to another person again.

Sanzo had noticed his reaction, and was staring at him with a confused expression. "Goku, what's wrong?"

The brunette shook his head, pulling his hand away from Sanzo's. "It's... I have to go," he stammered. How could he say anything? There was no way he could explain away his reaction. Could Sanzo already suspect something? The blond certainly wasn't stupid. If he hadn't before, he would now! Every instinct Goku had screamed for him to get away. There were no words he could say, nothing he could do, and he had to escape before he was forced into making a mistake that could cost him everything he'd gained in the last week.

"Goku, wait!"

He heard Sanzo call him, clear as day, but didn't slow his pace as he raced toward the front entrance. He didn't hear echoing footsteps behind him, and was both hurt and relieved in the same moment.

At least it allowed him to slow down and catch his breath once he reached the picnic area. He doubted the bus would be by for at least another half hour. Sanzo might spot him waiting there, and he couldn't face the blond right now. He had to figure out some way to at least marginally explain first. He could hide in a different part of the zoo until the bus came.

Goku glanced around, wondering which direction to go, when he came face to face with the elderly man he'd seen at the entrance. He was sitting at a picnic table, while the little girl was busy throwing coins into the nearby water fountain.

"You look upset. Something happen between you and Sanzo?"

He'd been about to start on his way when the words stopped him cold. Goku frowned, once again looking the man over. He was still certain he'd never met him before. "Do you know Sanzo?" he asked.

The elderly man shrugged. "In a way. The same way I know you. My name is Hakkai, by the way."

"I don't think we've actually met. What do you mean?"

"Ah, well, are you having the dreams?"

Goku's brow furrowed. "What in the world are you talking about?"

Hakkai looked genuinely surprised by this. "You haven't had the dreams? That's been the one thing we've all had in common over the years. Well, I suppose your situation is rather different from ours. We weren't even sure if you would be reincarnated."

"Yes, well, I don't think we know each other," Goku stammered, ready to head on his way once again. Whatever this guy was talking about, it sounded more than a little crazy.

"We do, I can assure you. I just want to offer my help, Goku. Gojyo and I saw what happened in the newspapers last year. We knew, from the description and how the police found the body, it had to be you. We've been talking about it, about the difficult situation you must be in. We've both known you for a long time, and if it's like before, you must be so confused. We may not be able to give you all of the answers you want, but I think we could help you understand a lot of it."

Goku didn't know what to say. He was tempted to believe what Hakkai was saying. But how could a complete stranger know so much about him, about things that even he didn't know about?

Hakkai stood slowly, reaching forward with a slightly shaking hand as he held out a card for Goku to take. "It must be confusing for you. But I want you to think about what I've said. If you decide to take me up on my offer of help, you can find me here."

Goku accepted the card, which was actually just a piece of paper with an address scrawled across it. Looking up, he saw that Hakkai had turned back to the child he was with, as though the conversation hadn't happened.

His mind spinning with all that had happened in the last half hour, Goku slowly made his way toward the bus stop.

Did Sanzo suspect that he was the killer?

Did Hakkai really hold the truth of what happened that night? 


	9. Chapter 08

Until I Knew You Chapter 8

It couldn't be.

He never would of thought, not in a million years, that Goku was capable of hurting someone.

He'd been shocked when he'd seen Goku's expression. The youth had looked like he'd been hit by a bus, his skin pale and his eyes wide. In those moments, Sanzo had been so confused by the other's reaction.

However, when Goku had turned and run away, the realization hit Sanzo suddenly. He'd gone to follow the other, but his steps faltered when the thought came to his mind.

Hazel-brown eyes, that shone gold when Goku was happy.

Messy brown hair that refused to be tamed, the right age and sexuality, couldn't be found in a school because he hadn't gone.

Sanzo would of never have thought it, if it hadn't been for Goku's reaction.

It was impossible! How could he even think that Goku could be a killer? Goku was about as innocent as they came, sweet and kind and funny. Goku had said that he'd never had a boyfriend before, and Sanzo believed him. The brunette wore his emotions plainly. Sanzo would of been able to tell if he was lying.

Wouldn't he?

If Goku had killed Yamakura, IF, then Sanzo had to get to the bottom of it. He had to know the truth, had to find some way to prove Goku was innocent. This was more than just a grade now. It was his life... and the life of the person he was in love with. 


	10. Chapter 09

Until I Knew You Chapter 9

Goku hesitated in front of the house which matched the address of the slip of paper in his hand. It had been three days since the zoo. He hadn't seen or heard from Sanzo since. Although he'd had the weekend off, the blond hadn't come in for his usual coffee on Monday morning. It was disappointing, his heart ached to see the other and somehow explain. Even at the same time, though, he knew that there was nothing he could do. He didn't know what had happened, and there wasn't anything to say until he did.

The thought that he may of lost the other had tortured him this whole time. Hakkai had acted like he knew what was going on, and Goku needed some answers. It was unlikely, but when faced with the chance of losing Sanzo, he had to know the truth.

Determined, Goku walked up the path and knocked on the front door. It took only a few seconds for someone to answer, another elderly man with long red hair streaked with gray. Goku assumed this must of been the 'Gojyo' that Hakkai had mentioned.

"Ah, Goku! Hakkai said that he'd finally met you. It's good to see you again!"

Within minutes, he was swept into the house, his coat stripped off, a beer placed in his hand, and he was seated in the living room across from the strange pair. They behaved as though they'd known him his whole life, joking around about how young he was compared to them, asking about his childhood and his job.

"Look, I came because Hakkai said he knew something about the night Yamakura Mazaki was killed," Goku finally interrupted, more than a little thrown off by the strange situation.

"Oh, right. I just need to see something quick," Gojyo replied, getting to his feet. Goku stiffened slightly as the once red-headed man moved close, lifting his bangs off of his forehead and ears. However, that was all he did before taking his seat once again.

"You really were born human," the man said, looking both speculative and confused.

"Of course I'm a human!"

"You weren't always, you know."

Goku frowned, once again convinced he was talking to at least slightly insane people.

"Look, I have to tell you something, and I need you to just listen for a minute, all right?"

After a nod, the two began. They told him about ancient times, when the world was mixed between new technologies and old legends. When demons existed among human people. They told him of a quest which four people took, a journey which twined their souls and destinies together. They had already been meant to know each other, cast together from a previously existing life in the heavens. Although they never understood why, they formed a bond of brotherhood so strong that even death was unable to break it. And within in that brotherhood, they had found the second half of their own souls.

But time was always against the living. There always came a moment of separation, when time would run out for one or the other. But, undeniably, their souls would be pulled together once again. Even after ages of time, they would find each other once again.

"But you, you were never reincarnated to begin with. You simply lived, powered by the demonic blood within you, through all the time in which we were born, dead, then born again. Until forty years ago."

"We knew you back then. We were only a few years older than the age you are now when you found us. We'd had the dreams, as we had every time, and Gojyo had already remembered his previous lives. We became good friends, as was meant for us. You were once again attempting to have Sanzo fall in love with you, as you did every time you found his reincarnation."

"But we were in a dangerous situation back then. You were Gojyo's ally while he was still part of a gang, and you were involved in a turf war. I guess it went that Sanzo came looking for you, and you protected him. However, the bullet which took your life left your body, and hit Sanzo anyway. You both died that day."

He hadn't been planning to actually drink any of the beer, but at this point Goku took a long swallow. It was just so radical.

"We weren't sure if you would be reincarnated. Your situation was very different from ours. And we don't even know why WE are. You used to hide your demonic form with a diadem made especially for you. It's strange now, that you wouldn't have it, but you still retain a human body. I suppose it's because, in order to be reincarnated in this age, you would of had to been born by human parents. But the spirit of the demon is still within you. You are human now, but you still have the ability to retain your demonic self."

"So you're saying I turned into a demon and killed Mazaki?"

"Well, with time, you were able to control that part of yourself. In the end, the diadem was only to hide your inhuman features. But back when you were young, you couldn't control it. When you were faced with intense emotions, usually those of anger, that part of you would take control. You wouldn't even remember what had happened afterward."

"Now, because you don't remember that life, it's just like back then. That part of yourself is almost completely separate from this one. And you don't remember because your mind just can't accept it."

"This is just too much," Goku sighed, falling back against the couch. It explained so much, but it sounded just so impossible.

"It must be a lot for you. But we wanted you to know the truth. It's the only way you're going to be able to regain control of yourself. From what you've said, I think you're parents knew. That's why they pulled you out of school while you were still so young," Hakkai replied.

Goku shook his head. "How can I believe this? It's just so outrageous."

"But you know it's true," Gojyo stated, startling him. "I remember what it felt like, when half of me was human, and the other half was demon. You can live a completely ordinary life, but you can still feel it. Deep down inside, an instinct that never goes away. An instinct of speed and strength, of intense emotions boiling just below the surface. You can feel it in your dreams, when you watch TV or just walk down the street. A part that feels both good and bad in the same instance, that tells you your blood is more superior even if it reduces you to an animal."

The words struck a chord within him. He HAD felt it. When he'd scraped his knees as a child, faced up against a bully in school, felt that edge of anger when someone showed him up or made some mark against him. There were many gaps in his childhood, and it horrified him to think that he'd reverted to some sort of carnal side of himself that he didn't want to believe existed. He'd been rather spoiled as a child, but he had never thought to think it was because his parents were trying to keep him from becoming some kind of inhuman creature!

After a certain point, they just hadn't known what to do anymore. They'd pulled him from school, began keeping him indoors as often as possible. They wouldn't let his friends visit anymore, keeping him as isolated as they could. But he'd always thought of himself as being happy enough with his situation that he could handle the sudden change in his life. He'd envied the children he saw in the morning, on their way to junior high, but liked the freedom of home schooling. He hadn't questioned his father building a small playground in the backyard, instead of letting him go to the nearby park.

Right before puberty, when his hormones would be acting up, they'd pulled him away from the world.

And they'd done it for a reason. 


	11. Chapter 10

Until I Knew You Chapter 10

The telephone book sat on the upper corner of the desk, taunting him with it's silent presence. He hadn't been able to stop himself from checking, and now he almost regretted finding Goku's phone number within it. The number seemed seared into the front of his mind, refusing to be forgotten.

He felt the lack of the other's presence, like a throbbing pain in his chest. But there was this immense thing which hung between them, and Sanzo hadn't the slightest idea what he could say to the other that would make it alright. He'd spend endless hours burying himself into the case he'd been given, checking every resource he had until his eyes would blur and he would be forced to rest.

Sanzo knew it was a possibility just to ask Goku outright. But he shied away from this solution. How in the world could he ask that question? How could he look Goku in the eye, and ask him if he was a murderer? He hadn't even dared to go to the coffee shop, unable to face the fears in his heart.

Still, it was possible, as the phonebook reminded him. All he had to do was pick up the phone and dial the number.

Maybe Goku's reaction had been to something else. Maybe hearing Yamakura's name had reminded him of something that had absolutely nothing to do with murder. That was an entirely plausible explanation too, if Sanzo didn't consider the evidence he'd been handed.

It was just confusing, plain and simple. Even if Goku was capable of hurting someone, how would he of inflicted the injuries that Yamakura'd had? The waitress said that they were in the alley for only a few minutes. For anyone to find a weapon and inflict that much damage so quickly seemed unlikely.

Could it of been that they were both attacked? Maybe Goku had been injured while he was running away, and the waitress hadn't seen. Then, because he was suspected, the youth hadn't come forward afterward out of fear.

The police had no evidence to support that, but they also had no information against it either.

When it came down to it, he wouldn't get any answers without asking Goku directly.

His mind made up, Sanzo grabbed the phone and dialed before he could lose his nerve.

"Hello?" a quiet voice asked. It was Goku, but the familiar cheer was absent from his tone.

"Hey," Sanzo replied, realizing he probably should of thought this out a bit more as silence stretched between them.

"I knew you'd figure it out," Goku abruptly exclaimed, his voice sounding choked. "The way I reacted, there's no way you wouldn't of. I just couldn't believe, when you said his name, I was just so shocked! I thought that I'd put it behind me, as much as it ever could be. Even though it seemed so impossible, I knew for sure that I had done it, but I'd almost been able to convince myself otherwise after so much time."

He knew the other was crying, but he was so shocked, he didn't know what to say in return. Goku really had killed Yamakura. He hadn't actually been prepared for it to be true. He'd been ready for anything but!

"You don't know... Hell, I didn't even know! I made a mistake, thinking that I could chance getting close to someone. I'm so sorry, Sanzo. This thing inside of me, it's just a disaster waiting to happen. I... I have to go! Don't call me again, please, Sanzo. I can't... I just can't trust myself around you or anyone else."

And before he could of gotten a word out, Sanzo was listening to the dial tone. With automatic movements, he placed the receiver back in its cradle. He was even more confused than he'd been to begin with.

'This thing inside of me.'

'I can't trust myself.'

What in the world was Goku talking about? 


	12. Chapter 11

Until I Knew You Chapter 11

Goku hung up the phone and swept the back of his hand against his wet cheeks. He just couldn't risk it, now that he knew the truth. Couldn't risk working, being around people. Being around Sanzo. What if he were hurt someone? He already knew he was capable of it.

What if he were to hurt Sanzo?

He'd spent several hours visiting with Hakkai and Gojyo yesterday, discussing their guesses about what was going on with him. They'd told him about all of their experiences with his demon-self, and he had to admit that most of them weren't very good. If he was capable of nearly killing his closest friends back then, what was to stop him now?

Goku clenched his teeth, unable to stop the tears from continuing to slip down his cheeks. His world had been torn apart. He couldn't believe now that he'd wanted to know the truth so badly. He'd give anything to go back to being oblivious, to just be able to forget everything and go back to normal.

But it wasn't a possibility for him, even if he could do it. He'd been right, he was just too dangerous to be around other people. Gojyo and Hakkai had been certain they could help him to control himself, but to Goku, the chance was just too great. He couldn't count on EVENTUALLY being able to stop hurting people.

He had to finish what his parents had started, and lock himself away from the world. 


	13. Chapter 12

Until I Knew You Chapter 12

"He hasn't come to work for the last four days, actually."

Sanzo's eyebrows lifted. "Really? I thought he enjoyed this job."

Youko, a girl whom usually worked the same shift as Goku, shrugged. "So did I. Apparently, he didn't tell anyone he was quitting, and he hasn't answered his phone. I'm surprised you didn't know." It wasn't much of a secret that the two of them had been dating when it came to the people that saw them together so often.

"No, he hasn't been answering my calls either," Sanzo admitted.

Youko frowned. "I hope something hasn't happened to him. He told me he lived in the Touren Apartment building, quite a distance from here. I don't know which apartment number or anything, but maybe he's there. I can get the address from the back for you."

"You wouldn't get in trouble for that?" Sanzo was rather certain she would, if she was caught.

The young girl shook her head. "I think, if he's in some kind of trouble, it would work out for the better. He lives alone, you know. What if he were hurt? Someone else came in asking about him and I refused to give the information. But you're... well, you know."

Sanzo doubted that Goku being hurt was the reason, but he still worried during the bus ride. It seemed to take forever to get to Goku's street. After what Goku had said on the phone, he was probably hiding himself away. But what if he had gotten hurt? It didn't sit well with the blond that Goku was living alone. Never mind the fact that he was too, at least he had his parents who called to check on him every weekend.

The blond glanced down at the napkin in his hand, and his frown deepened. Whomever the other person was that had checked on Goku, he'd left his number should Goku happen to show up. Youko had given Sanzo a copy, just in case Goku didn't answer at his apartment. She was just as clueless as he was as to whom it could of been, but Sanzo wasn't about to take anything for granted right now.

He was lucky that the last names were printed along with the apartment numbers at the front door. It took three rings, but Goku finally respond.

"Who is it?"

"It's Sanzo. Can I talk to you?"

His heart pounded with each passing second before Goku replied.

"I can't. I'm sorry. Please don't make this harder than it has to be."

Sanzo's heart thudded in his chest as the intercom went dead. He pressed the buzzer again. Three, then four times, before he finally gave up. Sanzo slammed his fist against the wall in front of him, his teeth clenched. Why wouldn't Goku even talk to him? He'd thought that Goku cared about him at least as much as he felt for the other. How could Goku just cut off all of their contact, without even telling him why? What was going on in that mind?

Feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, an ache in his chest, Sanzo slowly made his way toward the bus stop. What else could he do? If Goku wouldn't open the door or answer the phone, then nothing. Just was he was already doing, trying to prove the brunette was innocent.

Even after Goku's confession, he didn't believe that was all to the story. Nothing was making sense, not the case, not Goku's words or actions, and not even his own thoughts half the time.

In that one week, he'd been the happiest he could ever remember. He'd fallen, quick and hard, deeply in love. He hadn't even been able to imagine what it would be like to go a day without seeing that smile. He didn't care if Goku was guilty or not! He just wanted to see that smile again.

The payphone at the bus stop caught his eye, and Sanzo paused. The slip of paper was still in his hand, and it suddenly seemed to burn. The blond wasted no time retrieving his phone card from his wallet. He didn't know who would answer, but maybe they could tell him what Goku seemed unable to.

"Geez, I'll never get over how different you can be!" Gojyo exclaimed.

Sanzo was slightly startled, then reminded himself that these two actually knew him despite the fact he didn't know them. The two elderly men had had a lot to say, but he hadn't believed a word of it until they mentioned the dreams. He'd wanted an explanation for so long, it seemed almost shocking that they could just hand him one so easily. They'd told him about the second knowing of each other, how he'd met Goku way back then. And it was in that moment that he'd known the outrageous story they were weaving was true.

"I was a lot different before?" he questioned, curious.

Gojyo laughed outright, and even the more polite Hakkai laughed behind his hand. "Man, I could never understand what he saw in you. We were like brothers, of course, but you were always such a cold bastard. No offense, but I think I heard the words 'shut up' more than any other from your mouth. Shocked the hell out of us when you finally let Goku kiss you in public without cracking him in the face."

Seeing his expression, Hakkai quickly held up his hands. "Don't get us wrong, it wasn't like you were heartless or anything. It was always obvious that Goku was special to you. You were just like Gojyo and I, not wanting to admit an emotional weakness in the face of what it could mean. It was just a matter of time, though, before he wore down your defenses."

"It's nice," Gojyo said quietly, his laughing fit having passed to be replaced by a warm smile. "After all that he's gone through, it's nice to see that you're in a situation this time that allows you to care for him so easily and openly. He really needs that, especially now."

"You've talked to him already, haven't you? Did you tell him all of this? Was he upset by it?"

Gojyo and Hakkai exchanged glances, which spoke volumes in itself. "Well, there's a little fact we left out. I don't know how well you'll take it. We tried to break it gently to Goku, tried to tell him things would be alright, but he still got upset about it."

"I don't care what happened with Yamakura!" Sanzo exclaimed. "I don't care how or why, I just want to know how to make it better. What can I say to him, to let him know that it's alright?"

"It's more than that," Hakkai stated calmly. "I would of rather had it that Goku told you himself. But if he's gotten himself locked away from everyone, something has to be done. I don't know if telling you will actually turn out for the better, but if there is one person Goku needs right now, it's you."

Gojyo grinned and got to his feet. "I'd better grab you beer." 


	14. Chapter 13

Until I Knew You Chapter 13

Sanzo leaned back against the wall of Goku's apartment building, idly puffing on a smoke. He kept a careful eye on his watch and, exactly ten minutes after he'd done so before, reached up and pressed the buzzer to Goku's number. He'd been doing this for the last two hours, every ten minutes, and would continue until the brunette finally became annoyed enough to answer.

It had been three days since he'd last come, since his insightful meeting with Gojyo and Hakkai. Despite the age difference, he got along well with the two grandparents. Their adopted son's daughter had been by one of the days, and was delightfully cute.

However, despite their constant nudges, Sanzo hadn't returned to Goku's place until today. It was a lot to digest, especially the fact of how unbelievable it was. Now, he believed it as truth, but how exactly was he supposed to broach the subject with Goku himself? Especially when the youth refused to talk to or see anyone.

It was difficult to grasp the fact that, in this day and age, there were still things as demons. Goku was human, but he still held such a thing within himself. It was a scary thought, but not enough for Sanzo to give up. He didn't care if there was something abnormal about the brunette, that didn't change who he was. Tomorrow, if Goku were to be chopped in half and had to walk around on his hands, Sanzo wouldn't love him any less or find him any less attractive. It would be a struggle to get used to the idea, as was this demon thing, but Sanzo wanted to at least be giving the chance!

It took four more rings before Goku finally gave in.

"Who is it?"

"I know what's wrong, Goku," Sanzo stated at the same time, not wanting the intercom to turn off before he could get out what he wanted to say. "I don't care what you are, I care about who you are. And keeping yourself locked away isn't going to solve anything. Can we at least talk about it?"

"How did you find out?" Goku asked after a long pause.

"I met with your two friends. They certainly didn't beat around the bush. They're worried about you, by the way. And so am I."

Silence stretched for a long moment, before the door buzzer sound. Sanzo wasted no time getting inside, half-running up the staircases until he got to Goku's floor. The brunette was waiting in the hall, looking pale and tired but just as desirable as before. His shirt was slightly wrinkled but, other than that, he looked fine.

Following his instincts, Sanzo grabbed the youth and pulled him close, wrapping his arms tightly around those slender shoulders. "Don't you ever do something like that again," he snapped, tightening the hug. "You can't just lock yourself away when something upsets you. You might of been able to pull it off before, but you've got to realize that there are people out there who actually do give a damn, you know. What if you'd gotten hurt? I was terrified that I'd get in here, and find you half-dead on the floor!"

He felt Goku's shoulders start to quiver under his hands, could hear the sniffles the other was making. "I'm scared. I don't want to be, but I am. I feel like I don't have control of my own body. What if I hurt someone again? I mean, it could be as easy as someone accidentally knocking me over while I'm walking around. I mean, everyone's first instinct is anger and annoyance, even if they do rationalize that it was just a mistake. What if, in that second, this thing takes control of me and I attack that person? What if I kill someone again?!"

Sanzo glanced around and was glad to see the hallway was empty. He pushed Goku's door all of the way open, leading the crying youth inside where they would be able to talk without the danger of someone over hearing.

As soon as the door was shut, Sanzo took Goku's face in his hands. He made sure that the other was paying attention to him, his thumbs absently moving to brush the tears away. "You have got to stop worrying about 'what if'," he stated, his tone sharp but without malice.

"But-" Goku started.

Sanzo interrupted him. "Hakkai told you he could help teach you how to keep control. You did it before, all on your own, even if you don't remember how. You CAN control this, Goku. I'm not going to sit back and let you become a shadow of a person. I'm not going to let you pretend that nothing's wrong, or to act like everything's wrong. The truth is that whatever this is, it's just a part of you. It's always been there, and always will be, and I KNOW that you have the ability to keep it at bay. You just need help. And, despite what you might thing right now, you've got three people ready and willing to do what they can to help you."

"Three?" Goku echoed, his crying stopped as he returned Sanzo's serious gaze. "I didn't think there was any way I could tell you the truth. It was easier just to stop seeing you. I mean, how can you want to be around something like me? I didn't think that you'd ever be able to accept it."

Sanzo nodded slowly. "I was shocked, to say the least. First, to know that you'd killed Yamakura. When you said that, I couldn't believe it. Things just didn't add up. I know that, as you are now, you'd never be able to harm someone. I'm kind of glad that things turned out this way. At least it makes some sense."

Goku snorted. "Yeah, right. I can just imagine. 'Innocent on account to the fact that he was being controlled by his demonic spirit.' As if that's any real excuse."

"Well, it helps anyway. It's like someone who commits a crime who has a split personality. They aren't aware of it, or that they've committed the crime. Because of that, they get helped instead of just being carted off to jail. It doesn't change what happened, but it means that you can work on making sure it never happens again."

Goku nodded at his words, looking more at ease, but Sanzo had to ask the question that had been haunting him the most.

"What happened that day?"

Goku's eyes slid away and he frowned. "Remember when I told you that I'd never dated before? Well, I met Mazaki at his school, after classes were over while he was practicing for track. I'd always wanted to go to back to school, so I was watching from outside the grounds. We started talking, and got along well. I was excited at the thought of having a friend. Apparently, Mazaki thought that those times we'd gone out were dates. I thought we were just two friends catching a meal and movie once and a while. Since I didn't have a job, I didn't even think there was a meaning behind him paying for things and buying snacks for me and such."

"On that night, after we left the theater, Mazaki tried to kiss me. I pushed him away, and he was really insulted by that. I was shocked that he'd thought we were boyfriends, and we ended up arguing. He pulled me into a the alleyway because people were starting to stare at us. I was pissed off because he wouldn't just let the misunderstanding go. He didn't want to be 'just friends', especially after taking me out so many times, and told me so. He pushed me, really hard. I slammed up against the wall, and I can remember the pain that sliced through my skull and back. After that, there's nothing until the next morning."

Although he knew he should of been disturbed by the information, Sanzo just felt relieved. "Self-defense," he breathed with a smile, settling himself down on the couch.

"Self-defense?" Goku echoed, his brows shooting up.

Sanzo nodded. "Obviously you overreacted, thanks to that little demon inside of you somewhere. But he instigated the fight by pushing you. Where you supposed to just stand there and let him continue to yell and strike at you? It might of not been a punch, but could of easily became one. In the end, if you were a regular person, and had pushed him back, he likely would of hit you. Then you would of hit him back, and it would of ended up in a full-out physical fight. If Yamakura had ended up dead that way, it would still be self-defense because he was the one who struck first. You're entitled to defend yourself from an attacker, with any means necessary to escape."

Goku frowned. "You're talking like you want me to turn myself in to the police," he said wearily.

The blonde frowned. "Before finding out the whole story, I probably would of said yes. But even if it was in defense, there is no way to explain away Yamakura's injuries without having to delve deep into the case. The police would want to know how, and you were right that you can't mention demonic possession. Your self-protecting instincts took over in a big way, but it's likely that not many people would understand it as I've come to. It would be too much of a risk."

Goku shook his head, looking down at the floor with a sigh. "So that's it then? We just try to put it behind us and move on? I've felt so guilty over the years, I don't think I can do that. I can't turn myself in, because I'd never get a fair trial, but I can't just sit here and do nothing either."

"What about doing something for the Yamakura family?" Sanzo suggested. When Goku looked up at him, he continued. "We can brainstorm something we can do to help. Nothing will every take away the fact that they've lost their child, but maybe we can do something to appease that pain a little. Maybe petition to get a park named after him or something."

Honestly, as far as Sanzo was concerned, someone who would try to force someone to have a relationship with him to the point of violence deserved exactly what he got. But, if it meant that Goku would feel better, he'd do his best to come up with a feasible idea.

Goku suddenly laughed, a strangely choked sound. There were tears in his eyes again, although they didn't spill over this time. The brunette slid over on the couch until he was seated next to Sanzo, and the blonde didn't protest when Goku rested his head against Sanzo's chest.

"How did you do that? I've been agonizing over this for weeks. Since it happened, actually. Then you show up, and in less than an hour, you make me feel better. It's still there, of course, but it doesn't hurt now. For the first time, I feel like I might actually be able to recover from this."

"That's what you do for someone you care about," Sanzo replied quietly, slipping his arm around Goku's shoulders. "Cold or kind, guarded or open, young or old, even human or demon. It doesn't matter who or what, being there for someone is what you do when you care about them."

Goku looked up at him with wide eyes, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. "Would it upset you if I told you that I think I've fallen in love with you?" he asked shyly.

Sanzo's heart thudded in his chest at the words, his breath catching a little. Deep inside, part of him had always known this, but it was still remarkable to hear the words come from Goku's lips.

"I don't mind at all," he replied softly, bringing his head down so he could press his lips against those of the other.

After all that had gone on, this relationship stuff had suddenly become a lot easier. Not any less important, though, or less enjoyable. His mind seemed to spin as the kiss grew longer, more insistent. He deepened it slowly, until their tongues caressed and his skin turned to fire. Chances were that neither of them were very skilled, but it felt like a utopia to him. Goku was warm, both soft and firm, and seemed to fit perfectly against him.

He was more than a little breathless when they finally pulled apart, his hands shaking slightly from the intensity of emotions and sensations that had assaulted him. He'd never thought that a kiss could be so good, or that he would hunger so strongly for more.

"Will you move in with me?"

Goku was just as shocked as he was when the words came out of his mouth. He'd toyed with the idea since first thinking of it, but hadn't thought he would have the gaul to broach the question so soon. Still, the thought of having to separate from the other, to have to head home and leave Goku here alone, while he sat equally alone in his own apartment, it seemed like torture. He wanted to be with Goku as much as possible, and couldn't bare the thought of having to worry about the youth getting hurt all over again.

Two weeks, his rational mind whispered. It had only been two weeks.

But his rational mind had lead him through a life without any excitement. He'd never done anything fun, never just enjoyed himself. He'd never done something at the spur of the moment. And if he'd listened to his rational mind, he wouldn't of gotten to know Goku at all, and that fact was unbearable.

And so Sanzo told his rational mind to take a long walk off a short pier, and kissed the youth again. 


	15. Chapter 14

Until I Knew You Chapter 14

Goku came back to consciousness slowly, stretching himself out over the expanse of the bed with a smile on his lips. Sanzo's bed was much more comfortable than his own. He'd been so extremely nervous last night when it had come time to crawl into bed, having first thought they would have separate rooms. However, despite the fact Sanzo's apartment was larger and much nicer than his own, there wasn't a second bedroom, nor room to put up another bed.

His mind had tortured him with thoughts of the two of them laying next to each other. Maybe kissing... maybe touching.

But Sanzo had simply wrapped an arm around him, and promptly gone to sleep. Goku had been disappointed, but greatly relieved at the same time. As much as he'd thoroughly enjoyed their kissing, he knew he wasn't ready to move on to the more intimate part yet. He was still too uncertain of his own self to be ready.

He hadn't had to lay there long thinking about it, though. He'd fallen asleep almost immediately. Partially because of the warm body beside him, partially because of the fact he'd hardly slept in the last week. He'd had dreams last night, different from the ones from before. Normally, he had border-line nightmares about sleep walking around Tokyo and killing random people, or something similar. Last night, he'd just dreamt about Sanzo.

He knew what Gojyo and Hakkai had been talking about now, with the dreams. He did not recall his past lives, but he'd dreamed about it last night. He was sure of it, from how similar it was to what they'd described. Ancient times of demons and war, fighting for survival and some inane purpose. Life as normal until the door was shut and they were in private, and Sanzo would smile and softly touch his cheek, and they would kiss, and he would be certain in his knowledge that he was in love and loved in return. Never in front of the others, his mind had whispered, but in these moments I am his world, and he is mine, and our souls are one.

It had even gotten a little racy, and Goku blushed at the thought of it. When the time came, would it really be that perfect? Although reality told him it wouldn't, he knew that his heart would make it so. When they were ready, it would be the most perfect thing in the world.

Goku finally peeked his eyes open, realizing that he was taking up far too much of the bed for there to be another person still in it. He frowned when he saw that Sanzo was gone, but there was a note on the night stand.

'Had to go to school, didn't want to wake you.'

Simple and to the point, but Goku still couldn't help a silly grin at the thought that Sanzo cared enough to leave him one. He could of just left, after all, since the time would of told Goku the same thing. It drove home the fact that, yes, he'd actually agreed to live with the blonde.

He'd decided to throw rationality to the wind, and follow the instincts of his heart.

He was tired of being alone. He hated having to sit in his empty apartment and try to force himself to be interested in the television, while the fact that he was by himself constantly nagged at the back of his mind. He hated how his footsteps seemed to echo as he walked around the rooms, the fact that his bed was always cold when he crawled under the blankets. Having no one to talk to, to joke with, or even just to sit quietly next to, it had been a painful experience even if he'd placed himself into it purposely.

It wasn't school or the park, but it was better somehow because it was with Sanzo. Goku might of been alone at this moment, but it was different now because he knew the blonde would be back. Then he could ask Sanzo about his day and they could eat supper together. Maybe even curl up on the couch with popcorn and a good movie. This was how it could be every day, and the sudden change for the better in his life almost had Goku in tears all over again. He'd had such trouble and pain and loneliness in his life, it was awing that just one question and one answer could make him so happy.

Crawling out of bed, Goku slipped his feet into Sanzo's slippers before toddling off to the washroom. He showered quickly before returning to the bedroom to pull a clean pair of clothes out of the dresser. It was kind of humbling, to realize that all that he'd owned could fit into a suitcase and back pack. Having the majority of the money he'd earned going toward rent and food, Goku hadn't been able to buy very many outfits or knickknacks that other people tended to collect. His furniture had been rented along with the apartment, and his fridge had been nearly empty as he hadn't ventured outside during that week to buy more groceries.

Still, it had turned out to be a good thing, as Sanzo had easily rearranged everything so that Goku had his own drawer in the dresser and room in the bathroom cabinet for his toiletries. His remaining groceries had been mixed in with Sanzo's, and the books he'd collected given their own spot in the bookshelf.

Moving into the livingroom, Goku couldn't help another silly grin that came over him. It really looked like they were living together. He'd never thought that something as inane as seeing his toothbrush next to Sanzo's could give him such a giddy feeling.

He'd actually slept quite long. Sanzo would be back in just a few hours. Goku decided to peruse Sanzo's books and see if one might interest him. Reading appealed much more than TV, especially during the day when nothing was on but dull talk-shows and soaps.

Tucked in with binders and textbooks, something caught Goku's eye. There were several large, coil-backed books. He retrieved one, surprised to find it was a thick sketching book.

Opening it up, Goku's brows lifted. Sanzo hadn't mentioned an interest in art, but he was really talented. Curious, the brunette flipped through the pages. There were all kinds of things, some sketches of items around the apartment, to scenic views and animals, even some of people. The pencil strokes were airy, but each picture was delicately detailed and skillfully crafted.

It wasn't a big surprise that, when Sanzo returned, Goku was still exploring. 


	16. Chapter 15

Until I Knew You Chapter 15

"Don't fidget," Sanzo exclaimed, a little exasperated. It was the fourth time in the last ten minutes he'd had to remind the other.

Goku returned his hands to where they were supposed to be, unable to help a little laugh. "Sorry. It's weird having you stare at me like that."

"Well, you don't want me to give you a big nose and a mutant toe, do you?" Sanzo pointed out.

He had his newest sketchbook out in front of him, the basic outline of the other already placed down. Despite his fidgeting, it had been Goku's idea for Sanzo to sketch him. He'd been excited about Sanzo's drawing when the blonde had returned home, pretty much demanding that he have his picture done.

It had caught Sanzo off guard. He'd never shared his art with someone else before, except for his mother. It was something very private to him, even if most of the drawing subjects were just things like the fake plant in the corner or the view out the window. It was because, dispersed around things like those, were visions of whimsy that had come to him. Things which represented himself in ways that he would never dare show to other people.

Even so, he hadn't been upset. He'd been pleased with the compliments that had spilled from Goku's mouth, feeling more than a little smug over his ability. When Goku said that Sanzo just had to draw him, he'd agreed. Drawing always relaxed him, calmed any ruffles in his day, and he'd honestly been wanting to sketch his boyfriend since their first date.

They'd decided to pose Goku by the window. Although he was set up to look like he was just casually reading a book, the brunette needed to keep as still as possible until Sanzo had the majority of the outline finished. After that, Sanzo would be able to fill in the details from memory.

"How long have you been drawing?" Goku asked, visibly having trouble keeping his fingers from playing with the pages of the book in his lap.

Sanzo shrugged, carefully tracing out the line of Goku's cheeks and jaw before beginning the task of building the face. "I've drawn since I was little. I started taking art in junior high, and found that I really enjoyed it. Since then, I've drawn a lot in my spare time."

For a boy, Goku had a very pretty mouth and eyes. The wide honesty in shimmering gold and upon full lips was something rare to see these days. So many people were so caught up in their lives, guarding their emotions and placing themselves so much apart from everyone else. Sanzo knew it had been Goku's face that had first struck him. The still rounded cheeks of a youth, liquid gold framed by eyelashes that were almost on the long side. And that mouth, almost always smiling, lips sometimes parted as though anticipating the next kiss to come.

Sanzo forced himself away from Goku's face, realizing that he'd already finished the eyes when he'd only planned to get their basic shape. Still, it wasn't much better to move down to the body. The youth's long neck, with the curl of slightly long hair caressing the nape, invited kisses just as much as his mouth did. Goku had dressed in his usual denims and T-shirt. Normally, the casual clothes wouldn't attract too much attention, but the brunette really did look good in them.

The shirt hung off slender shoulders, loose but still tight enough to show a hint of the planes of muscle along Goku's chest and abdomen. The pants weren't much better, tight along the curve of the youth's buttox and thighs, tempting Sanzo to follow that line not just with his eyes.

"You're really good you know," Goku commented, pulling Sanzo away from his thoughts. "Have you ever thought about selling your work? You could make good money for some of these."

Sanzo laughed a little at the innocent question. "Certainly not. This is just a hobby. I could never depend on artistry as a career. I'd have to sell a lot every month just to be able to pay rent and bills, and it's just not dependable enough."

Goku frowned. "Is that the only reason? I mean, if you enjoy it so much and have so much talent, why not do it while working part time or something?"

Sanzo shook his head. "Being an attorney is a full time job. I just wouldn't have the time to produce sellable art. Trust me, I've thought about it. It's a tempting thought, to draw and paint for a living, but I've dedicated my life to becoming an attorney. I can't just throw all of that away. By the way, you can move now."

Goku uncurled his legs and came over to sit beside him on the couch. "Speaking of which, have you decided what you're going to do with your assignment?"

The blonde nodded, beginning the shading from the light of the window. "I made up my decision about it a while back, actually. If I hadn't had the extra information from you, the case would of looked pretty cleanly cut with the details I was given. A human couldn't of caused those injuries, nor could a weapon short of a rake or something like that. I'm going to go with the fact that Yamakura and the unknown person were attacked by a wild alley dog or a similar animal."

"I don't want you to have to lie for me," Goku said sadly.

Sanzo gave the youth a stern look. "I'm not lying for you. I'm simply going by the facts I was given with the case," he stated.

Goku nodded, but didn't say anything.

Sanzo sighed, setting his book to the side for the moment. "We already had this discussion, Goku. You shouldn't feel bad for something that was out of your control. Besides, I dug around today and found out they're going to be building a new library at Yamakura's school. I called in to suggest they use the opportunity to commemorate Yamakura's death. Turns out, they were already planning to."

Goku's eyes widened. "Really?"

The blonde smiled. "Yes, really. So, you see, a gesture is already being made and his family is honored by it. The loss is remembered, but the issues have been put in the past. You can do the same."

The brunette nodded, his smile returning. "I'm glad. I think I can, you know. I had to hold this over my shoulders for so long, it's comforting just to be able to discuss it with someone else."

Sanzo leaned forward and kissed the youth's forehead. "If you ever have a problem, know that I'll do my best to help you work through it. Promise me that you'll remember that."

"I promise." 


	17. Chapter 16

Until I Knew You Chapter 16

They met up with Gojyo and Hakkai again that upcoming weekend, arriving at their house just after lunch. Goku was nervous as he followed Hakkai into the back yard, unable to get rid of the feeling that he was going to fail. This was the most important things in his life, to be able to reign in that part of himself, and he feared that it would turn out that Hakkai wouldn't be able to do anything to help him after all.

He was glad that Sanzo stayed in the house with Gojyo. He didn't know what was going to happen. If it came down to it, he didn't want Sanzo to see that dark part of himself.

Hakkai knelt down on the grass, and motioned for Goku to sit across from him. The brunette did so, nervously picking at the grass below him.

"Back then, I went through a similar thing as you are now," the elder began, his voice quiet and slightly saddened. "I lived the life of an ordinary human being for the first twenty years of my life. But something terrible happened, and I fulfilled a curse which transformed me into a demon. I didn't know about the curse until after it happened to me. I'd always been good at keeping my emotions masked, and I was able to keep a human disguise rather easily. But I could feel it boiling just below the surface, waiting for any chance to burst out. When the change first came upon me, it was so difficult to keep that part of me dormant. But when it gets down to it, it mostly means just keeping your emotions in check."

Goku's brows lifted in disbelief. "Just keeping my emotions in check?" he echoed.

Hakkai nodded, a slight smile coming to his lips. "It's easy to say, isn't it? But it's hard to do. Especially for someone like yourself. In this life, just like your last, you wear your emotions on your sleeve. For someone that knows you, one can read your emotions as easily as a book when looking at your face. You feel things instantly and strongly, no matter what emotion it is. That's part of who you are."

"We don't want to change the person that you are, Goku. We just want to help you learn to deal with emotions like upset and anger before it ends up converting you to your demon self."

Goku groaned and slumped back against the ground. "Great, so basically I have to take anger management classes. This is going to be fun."

Hakkai actually laughed out loud at this. While he composed himself, Goku pushed himself back into a sitting position. "Unfortunately, that's pretty much the case," the elder man admitted. "It's different in the fact that you're basically a happy and easy going person. That's probably the reason that you've managed to get this far in your life without anyone actually finding out the truth. Your temper gets the best of you so rarely that there really is only minimal danger. Except that you don't have the help of the diadem to control that part of yourself, which in itself poses a problem."

"I wore a diadem?" Goku questioned, frowning as he recalled a golden circlet from his dream. He hadn't really paid attention to that fact.

"Yes, it was crafted for you and worn from the day you were born. It disguised you as a human, as well as keeping your true self dormant. I think... when we first met you, you didn't remember whenever you were a demon. It was something that your rational mind didn't want to accept, because of what had happened. Because of the lack of memory, you held no control over it if the diadem were removed or if your emotions just became too strong that they over powered it."

"There were times when even the power of the diadem was not enough. Times when people you cared about were hurt and your emotions overcame you. However, after you realized that this part of yourself existed, you swore that you would become strong enough to control it. I remember that day, and that fact that, not soon after, you really did become strong enough. All on your own, you matured your mind enough that your anger didn't get the better of you. At times when we thought you might change, you kept control. And I know that, if you did that then, you can do it now. Diadem or not!"

"In the end, though, it comes down to you, Goku. There really isn't anything I can do but offer guidance and support. You're the one that's going to have to do the work necessary to make yourself stronger. Mostly, we just wanted to make sure that you knew you didn't have to go through this alone. Gojyo and I will give you any answers we can. And you know that Sanzo loves you. The three of us will be here if you need a hand."

Goku blushed at Hakkai's words, but didn't let himself get distracted by thoughts of Sanzo. He'd been waiting somewhat anxiously for the blonde to return the words he'd spoken just a few days go, a little insecure that it hadn't been immediate despite the fact he knew that Sanzo obviously did care and that some people just took longer to express their emotions vocally.

However, there were more pressing issues right now and he needed to keep his mind focused. "I will get strong enough to control this," he swore, mostly because he needed the assurance himself. "But I honestly don't know where to start."

Hakkai nodded and got to his feet, moving more fluently than one would expect for a man over sixty as he made his way across the yard. He returned with a slender pole in his hand, about three feet long, and promptly hit Goku in the side of the head.

Goku swore at the pain that hummed through his head. It didn't hurt as badly as one would expect, but it still hurt! "What the hell?" he exclaimed, glaring up at the older man.

Hakkai smiled at him. "Did that tick you off?" he questioned.

Goku got to his feet, still glaring and rubbing his head. "So, what, you're going to beat me with a stick until I don't get mad anymore?" he demanded.

Hakkai shook his head, still smiling. "Not exactly. I'm going to use this as an example. You couldn't know it was coming, or it wouldn't work properly. I hurt you and you got angry. But you kept control of yourself. Why?"

Goku frowned at the question, shrugging his shoulders. "Because it didn't really hurt that badly?" he offered.

"Yes, that's part of the reason. I think, also, because I was the one that did it. We're friends, so it wasn't enough of a reason for you to actually get mad. So what does it mean?"

"It means that worrying about turning into a demon because someone accidentally steps on my foot or knocks me over isn't something I actually need to worry about."

"Exactly. You need to know your limit. Now, we're not going to experiment with different levels of upset and anger until you end up actually reverting and try to kill me. That would be stupid. But what I want you to do is think about it. Think about what you've been able to stand, and what you know you can stand. Find that level in yourself, then try to push it up even higher."

Goku took the words seriously, nodding as Hakkai spoke. He would do this, he swore to himself. He'd do everything single thing that he could to make sure he gained as much control of himself as he could. He'd become stronger, as strong as possible, to be able to live without fear of his own self. He would never hurt someone else again.

Hakkai threw the stick to the ground, and motioned for Goku to follow him. "What do you say we get back in there? I want a cup of coffee before those to finish it all. I made a cake yesterday. There should be enough that we can all have a piece, even with your appetite."

Goku grinned and eagerly followed the other. It was nice, he realized, to know someone who already knew him. He didn't have to try to make excuses for himself or try to pretend to be someone they might like. Sanzo too, he knew now, liked him for the person he was, despite his extreme fault. He had expected it to change his life, expected to have to live alone without contact from anyone.

And yet, here he was, living with Sanzo and chatting with two newly-gained old friends. People who didn't care about that darker part of himself, for they had carried the same in themselves as well. People who didn't judge him or expect more than he could give.

He was lucky, he realized, to know these people. 


	18. Chapter 17

Until I Knew You Chapter 17

"Hey, Genjo!"

Sanzo turned at the sound of his name, shifting the two bags of takeout he was carrying to his other arm. He suppressed a groan when he saw the building manager standing just outside of his office, looking less than impressed. When the landlord wanted to talk to you, it wasn't usually a good thing, especially with an expression like that.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I saw someone with a key head into your apartment," Yakura replied, his eyes narrowed. "Did you bring in another tenant without telling me?"

Now, Sanzo didn't usually care enough about someone's opinion to lie, but he'd known it would be unwise to announce to this man that he'd invited his boyfriend in to live with him. His land lord was nice enough, but extremely old fashioned. He wouldn't understand situation, and Sanzo didn't relish having to find another place with equally low rent close to the university.

"Oh, him. Sorry, he's just staying with me until he can find a place of his own, so I didn't want to bother you with it," Sanzo explained, making a mental note that he would have to find a new place once he was finished school. This lie wouldn't last forever, and he didn't want to expose Goku to someone else's stupid prejudices when he didn't have to. Besides, he might as well clear this place out for another student once he entered the working world.

"Well, make sure you get the extra key back from him when he moves," Yakura stated, already turning back to his office.

Sanzo continued on his way up the stairs, a frown on his lips. In this day, most prejudices were rare. But they still existed, and he knew how dangerous an unwarranted hatred could be. There were endless stories about in books and on the news, whole wars created simply on the basis of a different skin color or religion. He hadn't bothered to think about those who may hate himself and Goku because of their relationship. It wasn't a big concern, considering the only real friends either of them had were Gojyo and Hakkai, who were a couple themselves, but Sanzo realized that they still needed to be careful with some situations.

Well, this situation was handled anyway, so Sanzo dismissed his troubling thoughts. They would deal with problems as they came, instead of worrying about them before they even presented themselves. Goku was already busy with dealing with the demon problem, and Sanzo didn't want to lay more on top of it.

"Food!" was his greeting when he entered the apartment, and Sanzo couldn't help a laugh as Goku eagerly dug into the bags. Although his grocery bill had gone up quite a bit, he didn't mind in the least. It was hard to get upset about it when Goku was so overjoyed every time they began a meal. He was definitely the type of person who enjoyed the 'simple pleasures' of life. Even if it was just take out.

"Good news," Sanzo said as he dished himself out a plate. "I handed in my final assignment today. All that's left is to prepare for the final exam next week, then I'll be graduating."

"That's great!" Goku exclaimed around a mouthful of rice.

"How would you feel about moving?" Sanzo broached. It was a given fact that Goku would continue to live with him. "After I graduate, I don't really need to live so close to the University. Besides, it would be nice to find a place near wherever I happen to be working, so that there isn't such a long commute."

Goku's lips pursed as he thought about it. "You know that the rent would go up, right? Any apartment we chose wouldn't have student rates. Especially if we move downtown," he pointed out.

Sanzo shrugged. "That doesn't bother me. If my grade average stays around where it is now, I should be able to get a decently paying job. I've already looked into several companies that are hiring. Besides, I still have some of my saved funds left over."

Goku had stopped eating, and was pushing his food idly around his plate. "I was thinking about going back to work," he admitted quietly.

Sanzo paused in his eating as well, carefully studying Goku's face. "Do you think you're ready for it? You know I don't mind supporting both of us. If you don't feel comfortable with it, then you can take more time."

"I think I've made a lot of progress, actually. I won't know for sure until I'm actually placed in that situation, but I feel it inside. I'm more certain of myself now. Either way, I don't want you to have to financially support me. We're partners in this relationship, and I hate feeling useless. I want to be able to contribute something."

The blond frowned at his boyfriend's words. He got to his feet, pulling Goku into his arms. "Don't you dare think for a second that you don't give me something in return," he stated firmly. "I can't think of anything that makes me happier than seeing you when I walk in that door. You give me laughter and kindness and love. You keep me warm at night and chase the loneliness away. You give me a subject I never grow tired of drawing and a warm body to hold whenever I need a hug. I love you, Goku, and you are NEVER useless."

Golden eyes gazed up at him for a long moment, a familiar warmth that he always enjoyed seeing within their depths. Without any other words necessary, Sanzo dipped his head down and pressed his lips against those of the other. They kissed often throughout the day, but something was different this time. He could feel the subtle change in the way Goku's body pressed against his own, in the gentle caress of hands moving across his chest.

Sanzo let himself be pulled along the gentle flow they were creating, one hand lifting to bury itself in Goku's wild hair while the other snuck its way to brush against the bare skin of the small of Goku's back. He felt the familiar hunger building with in him, his skin burning through his shirt wherever Goku happened to touch him.

He felt the desire begin to overcome him. However, this time, there seemed to be no reason to stop.

The rest of this particular chapter has been edited for content, to meet 's no NC -17 policy. If you wish to read on, you'll have to head to my webpage. Thanks 


	19. Chapter 18

Until I Knew You Chapter 18

When the buzzer signaling the end of the afternoon courses rang, Sanzo nearly jumped out of his seat. He'd been so caught up in his thoughts that he'd forgotten the world around him, unable to help but day dream about the night before. Goku wasn't his boyfriend any longer. They'd surpassed that part of the relationship. They were lovers now, and it had been everything he'd expected and more. That morning, he hadn't wanted to get out of bed, muchless leave the house. He'd had to literally force himself to stop kissing Goku long enough to actually get out the door.

He was glad that these last few days before his exam were taken up by studying. If he'd actually had to of been taking notes, he wouldn't of gotten any of them down. Still, he couldn't believe he'd spent the majority of his most important class lost in slightly perverted thoughts of his lover.

Sanzo gathered up his belongings, more eager than ever before to get back home. He wanted to grab Goku, plant the biggest kiss on his lips as possible before carting the other back into the bedroom. ... If the brunette wanted to, of course.

"Ah, Sanzo, could I talk to you for a moment? It's about your assignment."

The blonde was a little caught off guard by his professor's question, but he dutifully made his way over. "Yes, sir?"

"As you know, there was still quite a bit of heat on that case, since it happened only a short while ago and the subject was so young. I know I'm not supposed to reveal something like this, but you've got the best grade in this class that's been earned in the last five years. I gave that case to you for a reason," his teacher revealed.

Sanzo was surprised to hear what the older man was telling him. "Can I ask what reason that was?"

The man nodded. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I read your defense case very carefully. You were very thorough with your investigation, and I have to say that you presented a brilliant case. I brought it to the lawyer handing the Yamakura case, and he found the same. They're going to rule the death as a tragic animal attack based on your composition."

Sanzo honestly didn't know what to say, so he simply thanked his professor. It meant a lot for the case to be closed. They would no longer have to worry about the possibility of Goku being arrested.

"The point of the matter is that they were very impressed with your work, Sanzo. They told me that a job would be opening up in the Karuma Corporation for a defense attorney, and the position is yours if you want it."

The blonde's eyes widened. Karuma was one of the top three attorney offices in Tokyo! "I'd love to take the position!" he exclaimed, still somewhat shocked.

His professor laughed and nodded. "I thought so. Here's their card. You can call any time to set up an interview. Of course, I still expect you to do your best on your final exam."

"Of course," Sanzo replied, taking the card.

He made his way toward the front entrance, walking like he was in a daze. He was as good as hired, from what his teacher had said, and he couldn't imagine things working out any better for him. A pretty much guaranteed position as a defense attorney, the goal he'd been working toward for as long as he could remember. He knew he would have to present himself well in the interview, of course, but he hadn't expected such an opportunity to come for quite a while.

"Well, you certainly look happy. Something I should know about?"

Sanzo turned back toward the doors he'd just come out of, spotting Goku leaning against the wall. The brunette gave him a wide smile, bouncing over to his side and pressing a kiss against his cheek.

"The Karuma company wants to higher me," Sanzo said excitedly, grabbing the youth and spinning both of them around in circles. "It's perfect, you know, one of the best jobs I could of hoped for. Now the two of us can find a nice place downtown, even a house if we want one. Gods, we've got to start looking! And packing!"

Goku put a hand over his lips, silencing him. "You've got to calm down before you make yourself pass out," he laughed, shaking his head. "We'll work all of that when we know for sure that you've got the job."

Sanzo nodded, composing himself. "Right, don't count my chickens before they hatch and all of that," he agreed.

Goku wrapped their arms together, leading the way back toward the apartment. "But you have every right to be excited. You've worked hard for this." There was a momentary pause before the brunette continued. "Do you really want to live in a house?"

They discussed the merits of apartments versus houses for the majority of the walk home, but the laughing chatter died quickly when Sanzo spotted Yakura waiting for them at the front doors. He could tell that the man was furious by his expression, and could only hope that it didn't mean what he thought it did.

"Did you really think you could lie to me and I wouldn't find out? I saw the two of you out in the hallway, plain as day for anyone to see," Yakura snapped, his arms crossed. "I want you and your boyfriend out of my building. Do you think I'm going to allow such things in my building?"

"I'll be moving soon. I was going to hand in my notice tomorrow," Sanzo replied.

"Excuse me?" Goku exclaimed at the same moment.

"You have twenty four hours before I change the locks!"

Sanzo was furious. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You can't do that!" he exclaimed, stepping forward.

Yakura stood his ground. "I can and I am."

Sanzo grit his teeth. "I couldn't care less about your opinion. But you can't kick us out onto the street just because you don't agree with our relationship. Law requires you to give us two weeks notice."

"You'd better get out of my face, young man, before I do it for you," Yakura snapped. "Go ahead and sue me, I don't care. I won't allow such filth in my building!"

Sanzo was shocked when the man brought his hands up and actually shoved him backward. He hadn't been prepared for Yakura to actually try to strike him, and he hit the ground hard.

Things seemed to happen quickly in that moment. Sanzo was in the process of pushing himself up when he heard a snarl behind him, and he saw his lover stalk toward Yakura, rage on his face. The blonde jerked himself to his feet quickly, reaching out to grab his lover's arm before he could attack Yakura.

"Goku, don't!"

The brunette snapped his gaze up to Sanzo's, his brows still furrowed. "But he pushed you!" the youth exclaimed.

In that moment, Sanzo realized that it was the demon he was facing, but rather just a pissed off boyfriend. He couldn't help a relieved sigh.

Either way, Yakura still looked a bit nervous. He had no clue as to how much danger he'd really been in, but it had still been apparent that Goku was ready to clobber the man. Apparently, the bravado didn't last long in the face of an actual fight.

"I change the locks in two weeks, Genjo. Don't forget that!" the man exclaimed before turning and slamming his office door behind him.

Sanzo took Goku's shoulders and forced the youth to face him fully. "Are you alright?" he asked, his tone serious.

Goku took a deep breath, visibly attempting to calm himself down. Then he nodded and smiled. "I'm okay," he replied. "Although, I don't think I've ever wanted to punch someone so much before. What about you, did you get hurt?"

Sanzo shook his head, taking Goku's hand and leading the way up to their apartment. "I'll have a few bruises, but I'm sure they'll heal quickly if I have someone kiss them better for me," he replied with a grin.

Goku started to laugh, then stopped abruptly.

"Are you telling me to kiss your ass?"

The End 


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